RAD - Reactive Attachment Disorder

Well, the list of symptoms is long and somewhat scary but from all the reading I have been doing there are so many children in foster care, or those who have been adopted that suffer from Attachment Disorder I wanted to post them here:

Symptoms of RAD in Children

Superficially charming and engaging, particularly around strangers or those who they feel they can manipulate
Indiscriminate affection, often to strangers; but not affectionate on parent’s terms
Problems making eye contact, except when angry or lying
A severe need to control everything and everyone; worsens as the child gets older
Hypervigilant
Hyperactive, yet lazy in performing tasks
Argumentative, often over silly or insignificant things
Frequent tantrums or rage, often over trivial issues
Demanding or clingy, often at inappropriate times
Trouble understanding cause and effect
Poor impulse control
Lacks morals, values, and spiritual faith
Little or no empathy; often have not developed a conscience
Cruelty to animals
Lying for no apparent reason
False allegations of abuse
Destructive to property or self
Stealing
Constant chatter; nonsense questions
Abnormal speech patterns; uninterested in learning communication skills
Developmental / Learning delays
Fascination with fire, blood and gore, weapons, evil; will usually make the bad choice
Problems with food; either hoarding it or refusing to eat
Concerned with details, but ignoring the main issues
Few or no long term friends; tend to be loners
Attitude of entitlement and self-importance
Sneaks things without permission even if he could have had them by asking
Triangulation of adults; pitting one against the other
A darkness behind the eyes when raging

list was provided by www.RadKid.org

It is such a scary thing to deal with - and at the same time not always easy to diagnos. Many kids will present as ADHD or something else, but if you have adopted or have a foster child that displays even a few of these symptoms I URGE you to get that child into therapy.

This is not only for the good of the child, but for the good of your family. This disorder can make the most able parent feel inadequate and unable to parent. It can tear a family apart and make the parent who is the object of the RAD feel like less than a person

Summer Vacation

It sure ain't what is used to be. I remember summer vacation being all fun and games for me. Well, now I konw that it was not all fun and games for my mom, especially if I drove her half as nuts as my darling daughter is driving me. She is bored and can never find a thing to do with herself. All she wants is to watch tv

Parenting again

Growing up I always assumed that being a parent would be an easy thing to accomplish until my child/children reached puberty and that "rebellious" phase. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Riana is "spirited" at the very least and suffering from ADHD or something else at the most. We are committed to seeing her through all that troubles her and making her well - but it is an UPHILL battle. And there are times that this sweet little girl turns this house into one that sounds like a roller-coaster with her screaming and tantruming. I am learning how to deal with these tantrums and basically to ignore them until she behaves appropriately - but it isn't easy.

For the rest of the world she is a very sweet and well mannered child. We are complimented on her bevahior often. Which makes me feel good, but inwardly I still know how she behaves.

It seems to be about control with her - she wants to make the decisions about everything - and if she doesn't make the decision - well, it is tantrum city.

As I said we are working on it - and someday with all the nurturing, affection and love we are capable of she will work through these issues and the child the rest of the world sees - we will see at all times.....

Manic Mornings

Every morning here is a struggle to get Riana ready for school - she argues with me at every turn and creates simple chaos - although we have a simple to follow routine there are mornings that you can just tell the routine is in jeopardy and today was one of them. It makes me wary of being a stay at home mom for the entire summer. We have started some counseling though and I am positive it will help Riana work through whatever issues she is having.

My book is published

Buy it here

MY COVER HAS ARRIVED

Here is the official cover for Mohican Lake... I am beside myself with pleasure

La Pensee

Riana has her open house for La Pensee tonight. Russell most likely won't be going with us as he is working on the other side of the state today. I would like him to be there, but it seems his job keeps him from a lot of the things that I deem important to the family.

I have also contacted a place to get Riana set up in counseling as I really think that she needs it and I am hoping that it will help her relationships with everyone, not just the animosity she feels towards me.

Neglecting My Blog

I have once again gotten so wrapped up in absolutely nothing that I have been ignoring my blog. Mohican Lake is waiting for it's cover-art to come in from PA and the wait is nearly killing me. But I do have a few random thoughts about those things that are driving me crazy.....

How can I learn to have paitence in all aspects of my life, when it was once of the virtues I was born without......

How can I be a great and effective parent to a child who does not care, or have the slighest regard for anything I say....

How can we teach this child to become an upstanding member of society.....

How can a foster parent help but fall in love with a baby they have nurtured from their release from the hospital, especially when said child could be going back to their bio parents.........

Are depression, medicinal eating, binge eating and anxiety the cause of my health/weight problems - or are my weight problems the casue of my depression, medicinal and binge eating and anxiety.....hmmmmmmmmm

Four Month Check up

Well, Twan had his 4 mo check up and I am pleased to say that he is now officially "on the charts" - the growth charts that is

He is 12 lb 6 oz, head 41 cm, and 24 1/4 inches long. He is on the growth chart for all 3 - 25th percentile for head, 10th percentile for length, and 5th for weight. It is good that he is there so soon - dr. told us that they give preemies until they are 2 to make it onto the charts - but Twan has done it already

He has also reached all the milestones for his "adjusted" age and many for his "actual" ago - really the only one is that he doesn't do is reach for an item that is held in front of him. He bats things away, but doesn't reach - yet

Parenting

So, Russell and I have been parents to Riana for almost a year and half now, unofficially and officially for a little over a year - and there are times I realize we were not prepared to be instant parents to a little girl who most likely suffered a lot in her very young years.

She and I butt heads on everything - and really a five year old shouldn't be butting heads with her mother. Talked to the dr. again on Saturday when we were there for Twan's 4 mo check up - and she said that we should get "the explosive child" it's a book. These explosions only happen for me though, so I am thinking there is some kind of a problem.

Now, if I think back she hasn't had any real "mother" figures in her life that I can think of - the time she spent with bio mom couldn't have been quality as I know that her older sister was taking care of her, and she was only ten at the time. Time with the foster parent didn't seem to have a real strong mother figure in the household - and I wonder if she was the victim of favoritism there.

So, possibly my "strong" personality and her need to take care of herself are what is causing the clashes - I am willing to try anything to make it more peaceful here - because before we know it she will be a teenager and there will be no peace at all......

Feeling Fulfilled

Just needed to write about this while the feeling is fresh in my mind -

Was just shopping at Wal-Mart (of couse) and was inline waiting to check out when I heard a voice that I knew sounded familiar to me. As I looked up to see the source of the voice the person attached to it looked up at the same time. It was Shante - she was one of our foster daughter's - she was 16 at the time and pregnant.

She only stayed a short time, but while she was here she was part of the family and I admit that I have missed her since we lost contact. She was so happy to see me, as happy as I was. She is living right up the road now and has completed high school and is taking nursing classes.

She told me that we will never know how much of an impact we had on her life - we got her to go back to school and not become a statistic in the system that she was once a cog in.

She is supposed to visit and I feel like there is something good I have done in this world - for her to think so highly of us still after over a year.....

Waiting is the Hardest Part

It has been a bit over 10 days since I sent my edited manuscript to PA and received a response that it was being sent to formatting. I grow more and more impaitent each day that I don't receive a thing from them. I am anxious to see my book in print.

With that and the MANY other things that are stressing my to the hilt lately I am not sure how much longer I can keep my cool and my sanity in place

A Serendipitious Meeting

Ok, so my book is being published by Publish America and they have message boards for the authors to talk, kibbitz, etc. A fellow author was looking for a review of her work, and I volunteered if she would review Mohican Lake in return. She agreed and we began.

Nancy Lindley-Gauthier's soon to be published book "A Case of Over-Kill" is well worh the read and a great mystery. She gave Mohican Lake a stellar review as well - you can read it on www.freewebs.com/mauraclegg.

After the reviews were done we were chit-chatting - both books are set in NH and we both grew up in MA. I told her that I grew up in North Reading, and her response... get ready - she grew up in NR too. Very strange......

Shows that you are never too far from your home town...at least if you are from North Reading you aren't

Authors Den

I have to say I didn't realize the size of the community of authors out there on the interst. There are so many of us with the same dream - to share our work with the world.

I just joined authors den and it is a wonderful place to read and meet new authors. I am looking forward to a great time there.

I have posted a couple of my older articles there to share with the community and have received some positive feedback.

It is a great feeling

Bringing Sisters Together

We went this past weekend and brought Riana to meet up with her 2 sisters for the first time in many years. Ashley is in the front and is 15, Alyssa is in the back with Riana and she is 13. They all look so much alike, but by looking at Alyssa we can see what Riana will look like when she gets older - except the other 2 girls have wavy/curly hair and Riana's is pin straight.

It was an interesting visit once I got over my initial nerves. The girls both are lovely and seemed to be very happy to have Riana back in their lives and I am glad that we did it.

We are looking forward to continuing the relationship so the girls will have each other for as long as they want.

Nothing New

Really, nothing new has happened.

Antoine's OTC was sustained in court the beginning of the week, so no changes there.

Riana is on vacation this week, so she is home with me and we have had at least 1 good day. I am realizing that the is a "spirited child" and I am going to read the book recommended to my by her doctor to help us to understand her better.

I finished the edit on Mohican Lake early this week with the help of Pleshette and Russell (yes, Russell helped me out A LOT). So, now I am waiting for the next phase of publication to begin.

Just joined www.authorsden.com - another resource for writers & readers

Easter

 

We got all dressed up and went out to dinner with my mom Saturday night for our pre-Easter dinner since mom was working all weekend. Riana and Antoine both looked almost too cute for words.

News on Mohican Lake

The publishing journey seems to be moving along a but quicker than I assumed. Mohican Lake has already been assigned an ISBN number and it is being sent back to me so I can check it for necessary editing - after that is completed it'll be about 6-8 weeks until publication.......

Parent Teacher Conf

Well, the second round of parent teacher conferences went off without a hitch. We knew Riana was doing well academically, and still having some minor behavioral problems; this is exactly what we discussed with her teacher during the meeting.

I am wondering if some of the problems stem from where she lived before she was a part of our family and if the instability when she was younger plays a roll.

On the lighter side - she is going to be published in a district wide creative writing book in the city for a very short story she wrote for class. There will be an awards ceremony and she will receive a copy of the book as well.

Also, the teacher recommended an accelerated school for her next year. I have filled out the application and have to give a bit of it to her teacher to fill out and then she will be part of the lottery for that. It is a school focused on literature and I think it is something she would enjoy.

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